The story so far , Prakarsh met Ansuhka at Presidency college , and fell for her . However , Anushka left the graduation session abruptly and moved to Delhi . Two years later , when Prakarsh was pursuing him post graduation , he met Anushka again ( who had come for a project ) . It was then that he came to know Anushka was suffering from leukemia , and was at the final stage.
WHY I FELL FOR YOU ???? ( part 4)
Some love stories need a second chance .
The rooms of the Block E section of the IIT Kgp usually turn dark after 3 am. Tonight however one of the rooms was still lit up. Mine…….
The contents of the report that I had seen hours ago still haunted me. There was a strange pain in my heart and my throat . It was all so clear now , why Anushka looked so different , why she never went out with her friends , why Manish hogged her all the time , and yes her nocturnal visits …. Everything became clear. I was lost deep in thought when the door opened and Amit entered.
He took out a pen drive and gave it to me.
“Prakarsh , I have collected some information about myelogenous leukemia from the net . There is also a word file on the work that has been done on this by our geeks at Kgp. And yes the cell numbers of those geeks . I talked with one of them just now . I don’t think he liked the time of the call . He was making love to his girlfriend , I guess. Call him tomorrow .”
I looked at Amit with a feeling that he never invited . I wanted to hug him , thank him for caring , but I just smiled.
“ Hey , I will take care about my sex life later , now we need to concentrate on your frustration ratio .She will be leaving next week.”
……………………………………………..
“ I just cannot understand why the color wont’ come ?”, she said to us as we sipped tea at The Veggies .
Amit remarked , clueless , “ But why are you working on bacteria cultures ? You are working on our DNA project aren’t you ?”
“ Actually , that’s my subproject , its to grow colored bacterial cultures . Since last week I have tried every god damn method in the book but its just not coming .”
I kept staring at her . I wanted to ask her something but not beside Amit . I asked Amit ( to his reluctance ) toclear the bills .
When he had disappeared I said , “ Anushka , what will you say if I tell you that I love you .”
She just looked at me and then at the empty cup on the table . She did not say anything
“ Ansuhka , will you marry me ?”
She put a dumbfounded expression , but after a while managed to say , “Prakarsh , its not possible .”
“Why not ?”
“You don’t know a lot of things about me .”
She did not utter another word . Nothing seemed to be moving around us . And then I looked into her eyes and said ,“Anushka … I know .”
It was only after I said those words that her eyes turned moist . She found it difficult to speak .
“ Then you must know , that there is no future for us .”
“Why do we keep harping about the future , when it’s the present that should be our concern.”
“Because it matters, it matters to me .”
She collected her paraphernalia and walked off .
Later that night I called Ansuhka’s father and told her the same thing . He told me that it was not a decision that could be taken so quickly and that all depended on Anushka .
Next day I did not manage to see Anushka . I guess she was avoiding me .
That night I could not sleep . So I started reading an article on leukemia . It was then that Amit entered my room and said , “ Prakarsh , uska teen din baad ka reservation hai .”
Only when I heard that , I realized I was about to lose my second chance . I had thought about something , but the urgency of the situation only helped me consolidate my resolve .
I stood up and put my jacket on .
“ Give me the keys of your Enfield . Waise library toh khuli hogi na ?”
“ Library , this hour ?”
“ Hmm , all of a sudden I have certainly discovered how much I love bacterias .”
…………………………
3 days later
Ansuhka’s flight was slated for the evening . I waited patiently for the right time . When the right time arrived , I messaged Amit to bring Anushka to our laboratory.
She arrived half an hour later . She smiled at me .
“ Ready for journey back home .”
“ I guess ….”
After a pause , I approached her .
“ Ansuhka , I know what your decision to my question has been and I don’t want to change it . I just want to say that you are the reason why these few days have been the best days of my life . When I sleep I see you in my dreams and so I want to sleep more . But then I find that could make me miss the time I can spend with you in person , and so I wake up early . Whenever I see you I think , God has turned kind over me . I don’t know how many days we can spend together, but believe me , I am sure the thought that the next second would be spend with you makes me go nuts . Yes , its true that I want to spend the rest of my life with you , and yes I want that rest of my life to start as soon as possible . I am not doing any favours to anybody , I am just being selfish , utterly selfish and just for this one time , I want to.
She did not say anything . Just a blank gaze .
I continued ,“ Before going , I just want you to look at the slide . I have already adjusted the magnification of the electron microscope.”
She tiptoed near the microscope . and looked at it . After a while , her mouth opened , then closed , the she looked at me , and at Amit , and then she smiled .
When she approached me , she had a strange look on her face . I could not say if she was happy , or angry .
When she was very near , I found her eyes to be moist . I had thought that I would not cry but I felt my vision felt blurred too.
“ Prakarsh , why are you doing this ?”
My voice found it hard to find its way , because I was so overwhelmed .
“ Because , I want to ? Is it not reason enough ?.”
I took her hands , and looked into her eyes . I wanted the time to freeze , and just keep looking into her eyes.
“ If you still decide against it , you will have to give me a stronger reason to live .”
She said nothing , she just gazed at me and kept smiling . And then she hugged me .
“ I love you .” I said .
When she said nothing , I added, “ This would be the right time for you to say the same thing .”
“Why do I need to say it ? Sometimes somethings need to be felt Mr. Prakarsh .”
She went to recheck her final packing .
I was still in the laboratory . Amit was looking at the slide . He then stared at me .
“ Fuck you .”
“ Umm… no I think I will let that golden opportunity pass.”
He looked at the slide again.
“ No man seriously , fuck you .”
I just giggled.
“ You grew colored bacteria culture in our biotech lab .”
“Hey that was easy , Ethyl Glucamate .”
“ And you arranged the culture in the form of alplabets . MARRY ME ?”
“ Ohh.. that was difficult . Silver iodide laser . Don’t tell it to the dean that I used it .”
“ Fuck you man .”
And then he hugged me .
IItians have a real big problem . Even when happy ,we have to resort to swear words to express ourselves .
Six months later , the wall on my room saw two frame additions . My post graduation degree, but more importantly , a picture of me with Mrs Ansuhka Tiwari.
………………………………………..
Six months later….
Life after marriage takes a whole new meaning . You find a stronger reason to deliver your lectures fast , correct papers faster , refrain from discussing political turmoils with your staff , and rush home because someone very special is waiting for you. I had bought a flat in New Alipore and it was there that I stayed with Anushka . A lot of people thought that it was my differences with my parents regarding marrying Anushka that prompted me to live away from my parents . The truth however was that the new house was very close to Woodlands Hospital where Anushka was being treated .
Every Saturday , Anushka and I went to the Oncology section of the hospital for a test or some medication . Bonemarrrow transplant is the only possible treatment to myelogenous leukemia . However it had already been tried on Ahushka and failed . Every month she underwent chemotherapy . Usually Anushka’s family and mine would be present too. However its side effects were clearly showing . Ansuhka had lost a lot of weight in the last two months . Moreover it was found that she had developed large clusters of blasts on her bonemarrow and that made treatment more tough.
After six days of chemotherapy session , when Anushka returned home I tried to make most of the time I could spend with her. At nights she would put her head on my head and then I used to read out to her my stories , the stories that I had written in my graduation days. Anushka never liked a story with a sad ending , with a death at the end .So I purposely used to change the climax of my stories to her liking . Yes , she changed my stories to happy endings …. She did the same with my life too. In the morning when I used to wake up her head would still be on my lap . I used to stare at her face and in my mind utter a silent prayer. A prayer for some miracle …….
It was for one of those chemotherapy sessions that Ansuhka was admitted to the hospital . A month later , she would turn twenty five . I hoped that she could her birthday in our house and not at Woodlands . It was Sunday . On Sundays , the hospital timings for visiting the patients extended by half an hour. As I entered her ward , I found she was talking with a lady . The lady looked at me , then looked at Anushka, smiled and left the room . I gave her a feeble smile but she didn’t respond . I hugged Anushka .
“Who is she ?” I asked .
“Mrs. Rao . She stays in Bhawanipore .”
I took her hands and kissed them .
“ I had a talk with the Doc . From tomorrow they will start administering you with Imatinib.”
She looked at me with a smile .
“ So the chemo will stop ?” she asked.
“ Bahut dard hota hai na ?” I asked . I knew that was a rhetorical question . Though she seldom said I knew she was in pain . Doctors had told me that her spleen had swollen to an abnormal extent .Most medicines now had stopped functioning . Love could make you feel better , but then I didn’t know how strong it was in reducing physical pain.
“ Nahi , itna koi dard nahi hota hai .” she lied . She always did when it came to her health.
“ You know Prakarsh , Mrs. Rao too has CML .”
“Where is her family ?” I asked.
“She does not have anyone here . Her husband left her when he came to know of the disease . Her father died last month . She has some money left . But yes know one she can call her own . But she is a really sweet person .”
I didn’t want to ask her this but I had too .
“Is she ….?”
“ Hmm . She is pregnant . The eighth month . But the doctors have found the child normal on all parameters.”
We did not talk for sometime . We did not know what to talk about .
Soon , father and mother joined us . Mother had made tamarind pickles for Ansuhka . Even my objections did not stop Anushka from gorging over them.She was so happy that day . My mother always said that there are somethings that can work better that a pill . I added tamarind pickles to that elusive list.
Fifteen days before her birthday , I asked Ansuhka,
“What do you want then ?”
“Nothing” , she said as she put her arms around me.
“No seriously , I want you to tell me what you want .”
“OK then , you wrote a poem for me once …. This time write a story for me .”
“Umm.. then I will write a story about you but then tell me now that you love me .”
“ Why do I need to tell you something that you know .”
After a pause she continued ,” As to the story, please write good stuff about me .” she urged like a kid . It was at these moments that I felt like kissing her like crazy.
“No . I will write bad things about you . Dirty stuff .”
Then her eyes looked at me . Time had not changed the way her gaze affected me.
“ If its your hand that is writing it …. I know its impossible.”
And then I kissed her………..
( This was the paragraph that was there in the prologue)
……..
Next day was Ansuhka’s birthday. I had hoped that she could spend it with the family , but that was not to be . Her platelet count had dropped to an abnormally low count and the pain in her spleen was not subsiding . It was going from bad to worse . At nights , Anushka usually took sleeping pills to overcome the pain.
In the evening I first went to the OPD incharge , to ask permission for staying with Ansuhka the next day , her birthday . Surprisingly , it was not that tough to manage, since Ansuhka had a single room for herself.
When I told Ansuhka her news , she gave me half a smile .
“Anushka , koi baat hai kya ?” I asked.
She did not answer .
I repeated my question.
“ Prakarsh , I want to ask you for something .”
“Anything … anything .” I exclaimed.
“ Mrs Rao …. she will be operated a little later .”
“Ohhh, the child … hmm.. so ?”
“I just wondered …”
She lowered her voice to a whisper …
“ i just wondered if we could adopt her child …”
For a fleeting second I was dumbfounded. I thought I had heard something I couldn’t possibly imagine in my dreams.
“ Ansuhka , I don’t think you realize the problem . Adoption is a big responsibility. Then there are legal hassles.”
“ I have talked it over with her . She has a lawyer … he will take care of everything.”
I did not say anything.
“ You are angry with me , aren’t you ?” she said .
“Don’t be silly . Its just that ….”
She did not say anything . She just kept staring at the watch near her bed.
“ Ok … Anushka ,as you say .”
She quickly turned her head and shouted ..
“ Really ?”
“Yes .” I added , “ I know you will make a great mother ”
I don’t know whether I saw tears in her eyes , but then she said , “ But more importantly … I know you will make a great father.”
It was around 8 o clock that a nurse informed us that Mrs Rao’s operation had started .Her lawyer was there too . He told me to sign a paper which would later help me get the child’s custody . Mrs Rao’s signature were already there.
At around ten o clock , the doctor announced that Mrs. Rao had given birth to a baby girl . But she couldn’t be saved as she had lost a lot of blood . I didn’t know how to break the news to Ansuhka . She was already in so much pain . And then I decided to do one thing that I had never done with Anushka . Lie….
When I entered Ansuhka’s room she was praying . Normally Anushka did not pray a lot . But then these were not normal circumstances. She looked at me , but didn’t ask anything.
“Baby daughter , a beautiful baby daughter .”
Anushka kissed the book she was reading . “How is Mrs. Rao ?”
“ She is fine . Doctors have advised her to take complete rest because she had lost a lot of blood.”
I noticed that Ansuhka was panting when she spoke . Her face was sweating even though the air conditioner was on. I asked her to relax . At 11.30 in the night , the nurse brought the child to Anushka . The baby was wrapped up in a pink cloth with a tag that showed her number , 234. She was sleeping , unaware of the turmoil that had introduced her into this world , unaware of anything and everything .I requested the nurse to let the baby be with Anushka for half n hour …till her birthday .
The nurse placed the baby in a cot and was about to leave , when something caught my attention .
“Sister ,” I asked , “ Is the baby alright ?”
The nurse turned and said , “ Well , the doctors have checked her on all parameters . But one thing bothers me . She hasn’t cried at all . She just opens her eyes .. twitches , and then closes it again , but she doesn’t cry.”
After she went , I pulled my chair near Ansuhka’s bed . Ansuhka held my hand.
“Prakarsh , I am worried .”
“Why ?”
“Why is she not crying ?”
“ Well a lot of children don’t Ansuhka . Koi serious baat nahi hai .”
As I took out the cake from the packet , Ansuhka said , “ You know , in our village they say that unless a child cries , it is not believed to be born.”
“ Hmm … They say something of this sort in my village too .” I put twenty five candles on the cake .
I looked at Anushka and then the watch
“ Just fifteen minutes and you will be twenty five .”
Anushka was breathing very heavily as she spoke .
“Hmm ,” she remarked , “ Prakarsh , I just want to tell you that you are the reason why I have made it till here .” As she spoke she held my hands very tightly . Her face was losing its color and she was sweating.
“Ansuhka , I think the pain in the spleen is increasing . Let me get you the sleeping pills .”
“ No , Prakarsh . Aaj nahi . I want to talk to you all night .”
She looked at the baby and the said , “Prakarsh , make her like yourself …”
I wanted to cry . Something was just not right in the way she was speaking. I gave her a fake smile.
“No , we will make her your carbon copy .”
Five minutes to the next day ….
Ansuhka gripped my hand more tightly . I knew she was in tremendous pain .
“Prakarsh , come closer .”
As I bent over her she put her arms around me . I rested my head on her chest .She held me more tightly.
“ Prakarsh , you have always wanted to hear this from me . I know its a little late , but better late then never .”
And then she spoke her final words, “I love you .”
As her grip over me relaxed , I raised my head to look at her .A tear rolled over from the corner of her left eye . I kept looking at her for a while . The candles on the cake had not been lit . It did not need to.
And that was how Ansuhka left my life …….
Exactly around that point , the faint cries of the baby drew my attention . I walked near the cot and saw the girl crying , as if trying to assert her presence in this world .
I moved over the table , looked at the child , and then lit a single candle.
And that was how Ansuhka came into my life………. Again.
Epilogue
18 years later ………….
“ Ansuhka , relax . I am just in the next building .” I exclaimed as I drove the car through the Presidency college portico.
“ I don’t know Dad. Its my first day .”
“ And your Dad is a professor here . Does that make you feel better .”
“ Sort of .”
“ Remember on the first day , you mother had made half the Presidency boys lose their vows of celibacy.”
“Really ?”
I killed the engine . She walked out of the car into the Derozio building , when she turned back and came back to me .
“ What if I find a really hot boy in the Alternative English class .” she smiled as she said it . I know it was meant to put me in a corner.
“Well then make sure you tell him what you feel about him .” I retorted.
Anushka kept staring at me as I turned the ignition on again .
“But Dad , what if I cant ?”
I looked at her . Looked at my wedding ring , and then said , “ If you can’t sweetheart don’t worry . Some love stories always get a second chance.”
………………………….
A story by Pranay Tiwari
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